El fin

What a year 2010 has been! In a word, "horrid" sums up my year. Seriously, I consider this year the worst one (so far) of my life for loads of reasons. Living here in The Bronx definitely has been a part of how oh so undelightful my year has been. I am beyond relieved to be moving to Astoria officially tomorrow! I have already declared that 2011 must be my Year of Jubilee as joy and deeply internal healing are needed now in my life.

As beastly as 2010 has been, I must say that during my time out of NYC with my family I came to finally see how there is some good in all of this mess. I see now that me being rejected and excluded by my housemates too many times to count, nearly being homeless, wondering where/when/how I would be able to pay rent and other bills several times, experiencing utter loneliness and depression for many months, being jobless several times, and seeing every immediate family member and all of my close friends go through numerous hardships IS all just preparation for my internship with Betel of America. I have more compassion and can relate more as the men in the rehab program have been through, if not the same struggles, very similar and likely worse struggles. I am weary because of 2010 but thankful that my God can redeem ALL things for His glory. Farewell Bronx ... perhaps we'll be united again.

Sara made me think ...

Before I moved to Throggs Neck, I checked out a place in the South Bronx. It seemed ideal; it was more or less exactly where I wanted to live, was already a community housing situation with wonderful Christian women, and would have meant much interaction with the neighbors and marginalized community. Yet, the whole subway ride (in prayer) there back a year ago, the time in my friend Sara's apartment, and the entire subway ride back I had this lingering unsettled feeling though nothing went wrong. To be honest, it seemed bizarre since so much of what could soon be a part of my life was what I wanted. I prayed about it more, and ultimately didn't have peace that that, for whatever reason, was the direction God wanted me to move.

This past Sunday, Sara spoke about how this year has been for her there. It too has been an extremely difficult year for her, and hearing her made me question whether or not I chose wrongly. After spending some time training this week for my internship with Betel, I believe once again that living in SoBro was not the direction that God wanted for my life. I do not wish this past year upon anyone as it has been hard for literally everyone in my immediate family and several close friends. Yet, I realize that my personal hardships have prepared me for the internship I begin in about two weeks. My stuff moved to Astoria yesterday, and like my things, I am eager to be on this new path. I do not expect it to be easy, but I feel that I am prepared well and am ready to humbly learn whatever else I need to know. I am also very eager to leave this loneliness here as it only grows and grows.