El fin

What a year 2010 has been! In a word, "horrid" sums up my year. Seriously, I consider this year the worst one (so far) of my life for loads of reasons. Living here in The Bronx definitely has been a part of how oh so undelightful my year has been. I am beyond relieved to be moving to Astoria officially tomorrow! I have already declared that 2011 must be my Year of Jubilee as joy and deeply internal healing are needed now in my life.

As beastly as 2010 has been, I must say that during my time out of NYC with my family I came to finally see how there is some good in all of this mess. I see now that me being rejected and excluded by my housemates too many times to count, nearly being homeless, wondering where/when/how I would be able to pay rent and other bills several times, experiencing utter loneliness and depression for many months, being jobless several times, and seeing every immediate family member and all of my close friends go through numerous hardships IS all just preparation for my internship with Betel of America. I have more compassion and can relate more as the men in the rehab program have been through, if not the same struggles, very similar and likely worse struggles. I am weary because of 2010 but thankful that my God can redeem ALL things for His glory. Farewell Bronx ... perhaps we'll be united again.

Sara made me think ...

Before I moved to Throggs Neck, I checked out a place in the South Bronx. It seemed ideal; it was more or less exactly where I wanted to live, was already a community housing situation with wonderful Christian women, and would have meant much interaction with the neighbors and marginalized community. Yet, the whole subway ride (in prayer) there back a year ago, the time in my friend Sara's apartment, and the entire subway ride back I had this lingering unsettled feeling though nothing went wrong. To be honest, it seemed bizarre since so much of what could soon be a part of my life was what I wanted. I prayed about it more, and ultimately didn't have peace that that, for whatever reason, was the direction God wanted me to move.

This past Sunday, Sara spoke about how this year has been for her there. It too has been an extremely difficult year for her, and hearing her made me question whether or not I chose wrongly. After spending some time training this week for my internship with Betel, I believe once again that living in SoBro was not the direction that God wanted for my life. I do not wish this past year upon anyone as it has been hard for literally everyone in my immediate family and several close friends. Yet, I realize that my personal hardships have prepared me for the internship I begin in about two weeks. My stuff moved to Astoria yesterday, and like my things, I am eager to be on this new path. I do not expect it to be easy, but I feel that I am prepared well and am ready to humbly learn whatever else I need to know. I am also very eager to leave this loneliness here as it only grows and grows.

James 1:2-5

James 1:2-5 - Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.

These verses sum up my circumstances. More roadblocks have recently cropped up in my path here in The Bronx. This is all while my closest friends are going through numerous struggles that are equally painful and distressing. Simply put, it is quite disheartening. I only know to pray and ask God for wisdom to know how to help my friends through these difficult times and for wisdom to know what his perfect, winding, somewhat elusive plan is for me now. I do not know if I will get to teach again in NYC through no wrongdoing on my part. I choose to accept that God has allowed this to give me time to prepare to move to Astoria and have much more peaceful days here. I am very grateful for both.

The Beginning of the End

Yesterday, I told my landlord that I will be moving out at the end of my lease. I didn't get a chance to tell my roommates until today via text because I couldn't catch them at home or not busy. I look forward to serving with Betel beginning on 1/1/2011. My role with them is still in development, but I am definitely interning with them until I start my World Vision internship through MVS at the United Nations, possibly as late as August 2011. Though this is all exciting for me, I am sad to see the mustard seed not grow much at this time in The Bronx.

The Harsh Reality Hits!

Four weeks in to substitute teaching, and the harsh reality has hit! I am working nearly every day as a sub and also being dehumanized by students of all ages at that same pace. It enrages me! I loathe being seen not as a teacher or someone who is quite capable of imparting knowledge but as an adult presence to ignore, disrespect, and take advantage of. I don't want to see my students in The Bronx become the statistics that say for reasons including their skin color that they are destined to drop out and live up to being failures clogging society; I have yet to help any but perhaps Matthew (at BLCS) see that. I loathe that I am now working for dollars to pay my bills rather than with passion that inspires others to enjoy learning.

The long awaited job ...

I am pleased to say that after four months of classes, workshops, tests, interviews, letters, etcetera that I am finally back in the classroom teaching! For the past two weeks I have been substitute teaching in The Bronx. My favorite school so far is in Hunts Point, Hyde Leadership Charter School. It has been extremely exhausting and seems a bit surreal so far, but I am very thankful for this opportunity!!!

A long awaited dinner

When I moved to The Bronx, I dreamt of community especially with those I lived with and frequent dinners that connected and centered us together. That dream was pretty much squelched right away. Tonight however, my roommates and I had a dinner together (I believe our third total in nine months), and it was their idea! They even paid for the pizza since I'm so broke from living on unemployment. Really wish this would happen more often here!

A minute step ahead

Hi World! This isn't much, but it is a small bit of progress. Since getting back in late July from North Carolina to visit my brother's family and old friends, I must say that my roommates and I have connected a minute bit more during August. Yes, I know, it's not much ... but I celebrate ANY progress forward!

And who are my neighbors?

And who are my neighbors? That is the question for me to ponder again. I know I've written about this before, but I moved here thinking I was going to connect with people in my church already living in this borough, meet my neighbors, and bring community to us all. Well, that still isn't really happening except for one group of people ... my 2010 Census coworkers. I will say though that I am finally getting to know my community better through my work in my actual neighborhood. It's good to meet some kind folks especially on these ever so hot days when they'll give me water, so I don't dehydrate. I've learned that I live in a mostly Italian or Irish Roman Catholic neighborhood where people mostly have cars and work in Manhattan. It used to be German too but is becoming more Jewish and Latino.

Lesson from the fig tree

One of my neighbors has an amazing garden which includes this fig tree. I've seen the figs grow and grow but keep staying green rather than turning an enticing purple. Every time I pass by, I think of two things ... (1) growing up eating figs in my grandma's backyard and (2) Jesus' words/lesson that used a fruitless fig tree (Matt 21:18-22). I don't want my life or my efforts at sharing Jesus with my community to be fruitless because I too want to hunger as Jesus did for the Kingdom to come.

Libertad Urban Farm update

I received this update from Tanya on our farm. It's pictoral. You can also see how much of the land we cleared on Memorial Day. It was hard work but very rewarding!

Memorial Day Gardening

What a good but tiring day! My normal Memorial Day plans were thrown completely out of the window to help get Libertad Urban Farm, a community garden and would-be later farm in SoBro off the ground in a new location. We dug up the weeds and cleaned out about a third of the farm site. I watched kids part of the time too. Don't know how many more times I'll get to actually help out on-site because of my census work, but I look forward to it and give my full support for this project.

Inspired by Robert

I am completely blown away from a conversation I had with a coworker and friend this morning! He's sort of like a loving dad with a caring and giving heart. Robert inspires me to be very honest! He has endured hardship and supported many friends living with AIDS. I know that I came to The Bronx to connect with TGC folk already up here and my neighbors; more and more though, I'm thinking that my move here was to teach me about justice, to motivate me to keep on being me and pursuing social justice, and to connect with 2010 Census coworkers rather than people in my community and roommates.

Children of Eden ...

Last night I went to see a musical I knew nothing about called Children of Eden with my friend Ann. The production and staging of the musical was brilliant! I can see it being controversial to some since it is based on The Bible but not an accurate retelling. It has me actually rethinking some views on how others perceive God loving them especially non-Christians. I don't have any answers, but I wonder what my neighbors think about God and his love for them. I hope I'll get to meet them and build relationships with them even if we never get that far into learning from and about each other.

Party for Percy and Andy

Tonight I was truly privileged to be a part of a birthday party for my roommates' cats Percy and Andy. I'm glad I was invited and got to spend time with Angela and Gina and celebrate with them. I know they love their cats.

Urban Farm In The News

Click on the article to zoom. This is the urban farm project in the South Bronx that I am a part of. Tanya is an amazing visionary and woman!

Meet Emily and Kyle

Meet Emily and Kyle. I met them about a month after they were married at a picnic in Central Park last year. Tonight, I went over to their house for dinner, and we talked for hours. Our conversation was about our lives, our spiritual journeys, the Bible, and questions on growth. It's been a long time since I've been a part of something like this ... so intimate, so normal, so filled to the brim with fruitful discussion. This is what I would love to see happening here in The Bronx.

Libertad Urban Farm

Last night was wonderful time with a few other women and one guy in SoBro. Finally a chance to connect with social justice minded neighbors in The Bronx! I really look forward to connecting more and seeing this farm and food share get going!

Learning from the snails I passed

Tonight I spent time with friends in Midtown East. When I returned home, the rain had stopped, and just before arriving at my door I passed seven of these little guys. They were so lovely and fascinating to see on the sidewalk next to a neighbor's garden. I didn't want anyone to smush the snails, so I tried to pick one up and move it out of the likely foot path. The snail clung on to the pavement tightly so much so that I gave up trying after a few tugs deciding I might injure it.

As I walked the last few steps to my door I contemplated how the snails were a perfect picture of what God is doing here in The Bronx. I came here wanting to build community and thought it would come fast, but God is not allowing it to happen quickly. In fact things are well, moving at a snail's pace. Yet, there is beauty, struggle, and fight in the snail just being a snail slowly trudging on in life just as it is in my journey towards whatever God has in store for me here.

May Day

My new job is keeping me busy here in The Bronx. It has been a week of growing painfully to be a more patient, merciful, and justice-giving person. My week also provided me more opportunities to experience and pray for nearby Bronx neighborhoods and receive my first EVER promotion!

On a different note, by the end of this month, there will only be three of the original TGC Bronxites left in the borough all of which have either been unresponsive towards or stated they didn’t want to be a part of a TGC Bronx Community. Thus, community here --- unless God should bring others --- is not going to be built in 2010. I myself am unlikely to be living in The Bronx after this year. It makes me sad somewhat because I prayed for so long to get here and truly wanted to see community built, but if God would allow, I will be living in Midtown East serving at the UN for World Vision next January through Mennonite Volunteer Service. This may not happen, but I have great peace to pursue this path for my life. I am also going to keep praying for and/or prayer walking in The Bronx.

The 2010 Census Effect on Me

The last time I wrote I seriously thought that this blog and my time in The Bronx might be ending soon. My time here is not quite over though ... although March and almost all of April are! These months were spent getting to know the Bronx neighbors that I worked with and some communities within the borough. My job sent me all over the place doing numerous various assignments. Yesterday was however my last day as a Partnership Assistant with the 2010 Census; I will be transitioning into a new job as an enumerator on Tuesday. Aside from the connections made through the census, connections with my roommates have grown a little. I noticed it after I returned from a 15-day vacation/retreat with family and friends in the South from mid to late March. I am glad for the small changes and slightly increased interaction with them; I believe it to be the result of many people’s prayers for my relationship with my roommates.

Truth from Velvet Elvis

Rob Bell wrote a book called Velvet Elvis. I read the following in it today which expresses what I dream of for myself and the community I love and live in, The Bronx.

We reclaim the church as a blessing machine not only because that is what Jesus intended from the beginning but also because serving people is the only way their perceptions of church are ever going to change. This is why it is so toxic for the gospel when Christians picket and boycott and complain about how bad the world is. This behavior doesn't help. It makes it worse.

It is when the church gives itself away in radical acts of service and compassion, expecting nothing in return, that the way of Jesus is most vividly put on display. To do this, the church must stop thinking about everybody primarily in categories of in or out, saved or not, believer or nonbeliever. Besides the fact that these terms are offensive to those who are the "un" and "non", they work against Jesus' teachings about how we are to treat each other. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor, and our neighbor can be anybody. We are all created in the image of God, and we are all sacred, valuable creations of God. Everybody matters. To treat people differently based on who believes what is to fail to respect the image of God in everyone. ... We have to rediscover love, period. Love that loves because it is what Jesus teaches us to do. We have to surrender our agendas.

Not sure about this whole thing ...

Still not sure about this whole thing of living in The Bronx and building/bringing community here. Still may throw in the towel several months down the line. What I do know is that this song expressed my heart for here and wherever God's path leads me in life ...

Leeland's "Follow You":

Use my hands, use my feet

To make your kingdom come

Through the corners of the earth

Until your work is done

'Cause faith without works is dead

And on the cross your blood was shed

So how could I not give it away so freely?

I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.

Follow you into the world.

Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.

Follow you into the World.

I give all myself ... to you.

Yes, I give all myself.

Update from Throggs Neck

Life here while spacious has not lived up to my expectations. I am EXTREMELY LONELY and feel very, very, very isolated. Community is not being built here nor are connections with my neighbors really. Furthermore, I have exceeded the point that I am okay emotionally being away from my family. I didn't get to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with them because if I traveled I couldn't move here and pay rent. It has now been over a year since I've seen my parents, and it's deeply depressing me. I am also not really working with the 2010 Census (47 hours total in five weeks). I have spent the past two weeks watching the Vancouver Olympics and giving my all to applying to different volunteer opportunities that require you to live in community. I want it that badly! I'm just trusting that God will open and close the right doors when the time comes to act on all of those different possible opportunities. Maybe I'm giving up too early, but I'm tired of crying these many tears (my face hurts from all the crying I did today) and tired from being this dejected. As such, this blog may end very soon. I leave you with a poem I wrote tonight.

Dead bones living or trying to anyways

Feeling all skin stripped away

Flesh torn, spirit wilting, raw and bleeding

Dejected. Despairing. Tormented. Isolated.

Why do you stay so silent?

Why is your Kingdom so slowly brought?

Why do connections have to be so slowly birthed?

Will you give me community, deep and healing, as I need it?

Why have you pierced me with your double-edged sword?

Freely I give you my heart and love

Do not wound your beloved bride any longer.

Let us go to the groom's chambers and be intimate.

Next steps

I read through Matthew 26 today. It was moving! I feel like I understand so little about God ... and yet, he loves me deeply! I see Jesus filled with sorrow yet resolve to obey his Father's will though it means death. Because of this and another email from a different friend encouraging me, I am going to take time on Monday to go to a local park or garden to journal, literally walk with God in prayer, and seek his guidance for my future. I need both the connection to and the direction from God, and I feel like I can't get either at this time unless I take some time to pray and seek the Father in a garden just as Jesus did before his death.

I leave you with the encouragement I received from my friend and Bible study this morning:

• "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait I say, on the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)
• "And I will bring the third part (a group of people) through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined and will test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will hear and answer them. I will say, "It is My people; and they will say, "The Lord is my God."" (Zechariah 13:9)

Amanda

Amanda. My name in Latin means “beloved, worthy of love.” This morning, that outpouring of love is returning to me as friends and family call and email to show me compassion. One friend’s call exhorted me with the following from Psalm 62, “My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him. With God rests my salvation and my glory; He is my Rock of unyielding strength and impenetrable hardness, and my refuge is in God!”

Yesterday, part of me wanted to simply give up on my personal and spiritual dreams because I felt completely wrung out and used up. Though it is excruciatingly difficult on ALL levels, I have determined to continue to take my walk with Christ seriously! I keep looking at the ring I wear on my ring finger to remind me of my relationship to Christ, my marriage if you will, and have absolutely resolved to not divorce my Lover and Creator ... no matter what. (These are the kinds of moments for which my blog was created most for.)

Meeting with Bronx Community Board #10

In an attempt to get to know my neighborhood and neighbors as well as seek help, this morning I went to my local community board, #10. I met Ken Kearns, the head of this community board area. He and his staff were very gracious to provide me with lots of printed information about opportunities for service here in Throggs Neck. He and his assistant also gave me info about community gardens within the area. I also discussed with him how I used to be a teacher and the details of why I lost that job; because he is well connected, Ken also provided me with a lady’s contact information who should be able to help me pursue NY teacher certification. When my job slows down a little more, I am going to go and talk with her. I’m thankful for God to allow me to live so close to the community board office so that I could get all of this help.

Sinking like Peter

Lord, help me make the right decisions and give me the peace I need. I'm tired not just because it's 1 AM but because my calling and dreams are weighty. As you raised up a sinking Peter from the sea, raise me up and let me bring your Kingdom.

Agape love

Personal reflection and direction for 2010

So, yesterday I spent the day researching The Bronx's history and praying. In the evening, with the blizzard still going on (but much more tame), I ventured down to the UES Missional Community. What a challenging time and time of clear, personal direction! (I am applying all of this to what I am committing to live out in The Bronx on a daily basis.)

From my friend Suzy's testimony I was indirectly challenged to consider the following questions:

• How am I or am I structuring my life to bring the Kingdom?
• Am I loving others well (agape love) or not?
• How am I or am I making disciples actively? (Jesus was intentional with 12 people so that after his death his Kingdom was still brought.)
• Am I actively praying for the above people?

Then, my friend Steve shared a way to simply study The Bible with the following eight questions:

1. What is the passage saying? (Consider the cultural context and how the passage relates to the rest of the book and the rest of The Bible.)
2. What stood out to you in the passage?
3. What challenged you?
4. What was difficult to understand?
5. Where is Jesus?
6. What is the next step of obedience for you?
7. What does this passage reveal about the heart of God? (How does he love us in this passage?)
8. What is God saying to you?

Based on prayer earlier today and Steve's modeling, I have decided that for the rest of 2010 that I am going to just read and study the Gospels and maybe a little of Acts over and over and journal out the questions and my answers. I also want to try and memorize at least one verse a week for the rest of this year as well.

I am also going to be practicing what I call CPR (so I can remember it). I learned it last week at life group. It is my church's focus for the year. CPR brings us out of death to life! It stands for:

• Confess your sins to others.
• Pray for the lost and people's needs.
• Read and study The Bible.

Prayer and the next practical steps

The past three days have been filled with much prayer for myself and my Bronx neighbors. I realized on Sunday while walking to the Chelsea service that I am pretty ignorant of where I currently live and its people. I realized that in order to serve and love them well that I need to get to know them well which practically means continuing to ask God for wisdom and doing research. I must get a hold of a copy of History in Asphalt: The Origin of Bronx Street and Place Names. From what I have seen online, it is a good start to getting to know my area better. I think I also need to pay a visit to The Bronx County Historical Society soon.

Newest Scripture to inspire me to serve The Bronx

Matt 24: 12-14 "And the love of the great body of people will grow cold because of the multiplied lawlessness and iniquity, but he who endures to the end will be saved. And this good news of the kingdom (the Gospel) will be preached throughout the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then will come the end." ... Lord, let me ignite flames and bring your Kingdom.

Bronx Connection Dinner

Invited 14 people over to my house several days ago for dinner tonight ... and one showed up! The point of tonight's dinner was to connect people that live in The Bronx, love The Bronx, and/or love people in The Bronx over a home-cooked meal. My heart for the dinner was also to connect personally with people that I'd love to truly be in community with, to share life, and to catch up on what we'd all been doing the past two weeks (since Clinton and Joanlie's dinner in SoBro). Maybe next time more people can come over, but I truly celebrate tonight's dinner as a success! :)

Rose garden not a sewer hole

Today I had a medical appointment in The Hub section of The Bronx. As I was exiting my bus, the driver told me that this borough, in particular SoBro, was not a rose garden but quite the sewer hole. It broke my heart to hear those words!

So, on to my appointment I walked with his comments fresh on my mind so much so that I shared them immediately with my new health counselor. She fully agreed with the bus driver and then asked me why I moved to The Bronx. I shared with her how I moved here to help the people of The Bronx and because I love this area deeply. She seemed a bit befuddled as to how that could possibly be. Truth be told, in my heart, the people of this borough will NEVER be sewer rats but always breathtaking varieties of flowers!

Image courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons

ONE lost sheep on my mind

What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost. Matthew 18:12-14

Again, this passage pervades my thoughts. I keep thinking how my neighbors are lost sheep and about how much Jesus loves them. I want them to know Jesus' love like I do and beyond. I want him to be real to them. I want to see his love change this borough! I have so much to learn in order to reach out effectively to my neighbors; please teach me Jesus. I need you and feel a brokenness and sensitivity in my heart for my neighbors.

Image courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons

A month into ...

A month into living in The Bronx and my pervasive thought to mark the occasion unofficially today is "What am I doing here?" I keep thinking about this and how I want community. I keep wondering how it will all come about. I keep wondering what all God will do to bring it to fruition. The answers I know not, but the dream is alive and slowly becoming reality.

Watermark knows my heart

Was home today when this song came on the radio. This is definitely my heart for my home. Still wanting so much connection here.

Invade by Watermark

Come, come in
Invade all You see of us
Any man, who'd walk Your road is welcomed here
And You're the only one

Chorus:
Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
Tread this place and turn it inside out
With Your mercy...

Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
Until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
And let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms

Jesus invade...
Reach, reach in
With the hand that heals all our suffering

Conquer all that is not of You
Bring Your spirit throught
As we fill these walls with Your praise

Chorus

Bridge:
I call for angels
I call for mercy
I call for freedom
In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus

Verse One
Chorus

Bronx Inspirational Story #1: Will

Today as I was riding public transportation I started desiring to meet ordinary people who live or work here in The Bronx that were truly inspiring. Well, by the end of the night, I had met Bronx Inspiration #1. I give you his brief bio below.

Will is one of the many Bx5 bus (a route I often take home) drivers. He used to live in this borough but now lives in upstate New York. He gladly drives down just over 2 hours to drive the bus and even requests this line because as he said, "They don't treat my people right" on this line! He is super friendly and generous. The other night he actually drove me home as well; on my bus that night was an old lady with a walker that he helped and patiently waited upon to exit the bus. Tonight, he was the LAST bus home and let me get on the bus early so I didn't stand in the cold. Thank you Will for being such an inspiration to The Bronx!

DWB Dream

Meet DWB Team #9 - Jusup, myself, Yiu Cheong, Brian, and Linda (L-R). Shortly after moving to NYC, I heard about an outreach to the homeless here. It is called Don't Walk By. Over the course of five consecutive Saturdays, teams of 3-12 go out to look for the homeless on EVERY street and subway route in Manhattan! Thus far, I've been able to be a part of every single outreach they've had ... and it's been an AWESOME time for love, service, and learning about my community.

Two interesting things came about today related to DWB and The Bronx. First was the passage I was up to in my study of Matthew was from Chapter 18. This essentially is half of the theme of DWB. The lost sheep are here in The Bronx; I am one as are all of my neighbors. Secondly, on the train ride in, I started dreaming about a DWB Bronx, so I asked if this outreach will spread to the other boroughs. I was told that next year, if possible, that there will be outreaches in the other boroughs too. Good news! So cool to see Abba intimately knowing the desires of my heart and putting them so apparently before me.

Reminder from Kaitlyn

One of the wonderful women in my life group reminded me of the following tonight. John 15:16 says that I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit. This is totally my heart for my time in The Bronx (and wherever else I am by God's grace). Thank you Kaitlyn for reminding me of this!

Romans 8:28 = QBx1

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

Tonight instead of taking my final bus home directly (had to take three to journey back from Sasha's), I ended up being driven through ALL of Co-Op City. I didn't set out to add to my journey, but I couldn't find the Bx5 bus and then spotted the QBx1 bus. Just before I got on though, some teenagers were really rude to my bus driver, so he wasn't helpful or even nice to me when I asked if he was going in my direction. He said eventually, and so 35 minutes later (it should have taken five), I finally made it to my destination.

Now maybe you would be upset if this had been your ride. I was tired and wanted to be home, but when my bus reached Co-Op City, I was blown away by how big this part of The Bronx is. Literally I would guess thousands of people live here alone. My heart went out to them assuming that many that live there are lost. I remembered that my good friend Jason lives there. I prayed for him and for God to put other Christians there to reach this "city" for Christ. I started dreaming of how Co-Op City would look if TGC Christians intentially lived there in community. I pray my dreams become reality one day!

Sharing life in Riverdale

Allow me to introduce you to my friends and fellow Bronx TGCers Sasha (a fabulous stay-at-home mom and artist) and Creighton (an awesome future engineer and socialite) Cox. Ben and Cyan are also a part of the family but aren't in the picture. So, we all actually met back in early Autumn 2009 for a church outing but didn't connect again until two weeks ago. Then came a dinner invitation and opportunity to connect more.

Sasha and her family will only be in The Bronx until May (or September at the latest) of this year. While they are here though, they are pouring into their part of the borough, Riverdale, by reaching out to the families in their building which is housing for Columbia University students only. I don't know how often we'll be able to personally connect again. What I do know is that the Cox family will absolutely be faithful in coming alongside me to bring the Kingdom to The Bronx! (I love how they are already thinking of how to connect and continue this when they leave NYC and move to Atlanta, Georgia.) Sasha has also agreeded to co-author this blog and write a prayer guide for Riverdale to help myself and others know how to specifically pray for the needs of the people there.

ATTACK

Today was one of the worst ever for me!!! Satan has been attacking me hard-core all day long, but in the end, God wins and the South Bronx was prayer walked for an hour! There is so much more territory to prayer walk in The Bronx. My long-term goal is to prayer walk/ride the entire borough!!! This is the area that I covered in SoBro tonight for the first official prayer walk.

Maybe you're curious as to why the Mott Haven area should be prayed for first in The Bronx. Simply put, this area has been identified by many sources as one of two areas of greatest need, not only in NYC, but in ALL of America. You can check out some stats here.

Roommate connections growing

Tonight I had dinner with my roommates Gina and Angela. This was our second house dinner together. I am very thankful that my connections with my roommates are growing and that the dinner went so well. (I know God heard those prayers today.) I really want our relationships to go deep; I don't know if that is what they each desire. Time will tell. For now, I just need to love them well and be transparent.

A Good Morning Indeed!

I woke up to a really cool dream this morning. I was in the midst of a crowd of friends in The Bronx (some time in the future) and was saying goodbye to them. One lady kept saying over and over, "We're losing a good neighbor! We're losing a good neighbor!" She was crying some as she said it too. I pray that one day this becomes reality whenever I do leave The Bronx!

I also received an email from my friend Patricia who lives a little further north of me about 10 minutes away. I invited her and her husband Gareth into this growing community yesterday. She and her husband accepted my invitation into what will become The Bronx Missional Community and want to open up their home as well! It warms my heart to have two more friends joining me on this journey. God is beginning to answer my prayers for 30-50 people to be TGC's Bronx MC. :)

It's Week Three Already

Connections were slowly being made with my roommates, with the community, and with TGC Bronxites. God's providence is that this is going to be a SLOW process ... and I'm having a little difficulty with that. I've come to accept that Abba is sovereign and always has the best plans in mind which means for me that if He wants to do this slowly ... then it's a GOOD thing. As I dream of TGC Bronx, Rob Bell continues to succinctly word my dreams. I leave you with his words below from Velvet Elvis.

The goal is for the church to be these unique kinds of people who are transforming the places they live and work and play because they understand the whole earth is filled with the kavod [glory in Hebrew] of God. God isn't in one building only. Doing things for God happens all the time, everywhere. ... And our story is God's story. So many of us have been conditioned to think of our faith as solely an issue of us and God. But faith is a communal experience. A shared journey. ... the point of our stories and our faith journey is that they are about something much bigger.

Tohu va vohu

Did you click to read this because you were wondering, "What the heck is "tohu va vohu?" I too had never heard those Hebrew words until this afternoon, but they perfectly describe what is going on in this picture and in The Bronx.

So, what is tohu va vohu? Those Hebrew words mean "formless or void state." They are used in Genesis 1 when the story of how God created the world is retold. Last night, myself and three others (Amber, Joanlie, and Clinton) gathered to share life and discuss creating a new life group that will sometimes meet in The Bronx. It was a small step in creating something big out of that which is currently formless.

I think Rob Bell puts it best in describing how we are a part of God's continuing creation and how small steps actually have huge ripples. God's intent in creating these people was for them to continue the work of creating the world, moving it away from chaos and wild and waste and formlessness toward order and harmony and good. As human beings, we take part through our actions in the ongoing creation of the world. The question is, What kind of world are we going to make? What kind of world will our energies create? ... Either we're acting in ways that move the world away from the tohu va vohu or we're contributing to the chaos and lack of order. (from SEX GOD) I leave you all with a final thought shared last night from his other book Velvet Elvis. I assume you have had moments like this when you were caught up in something so much bigger than yourself that you couldn't even put it in words. What is it about certain things that ignite something within?

Hearing my heartbeat

CO-MUN NI-TY. CO-MUN NI-TY. My heart is palpitating with desire for community here in The Bronx with my new roommates, with my neighbors, with others in TGC already here. Things are moving at the visible speed of molasses put in the refrigerator. I am trying to not lose hope, to simply wait with joy, and to do my part for now. I look forward to dinner with others (some living here and some not) tonight in SoBro. It is hard to wait and for me to accept things moving this slowly. For the past week, though slow, I have honestly seen Abba show me in little but profound ways that I am not forgotten nor has He forgotten about The Bronx.

I read something two days ago in Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis that continues to resonate with me. I was with my friends at one of our favorite restaurants the other night. We had been there at least three hours when I noticed we were the last ones in the place. The employees were starting to stack chairs and vacuum the floors, and we were still talking. I was looking around the table at my wife, whom I just adore; our friend Shauna, who may be one of the best storytellers on the planet; Tom, whom I would take a bullet for; and Tom's wife Cecilia, who is one of the most loving, authentic people I have ever met. And I'm sitting in this restaurant looking around the table, soaking it in, totally overwhelmed with the holiness of it all. The sacredness of the moment. That sense that in spite of everything awful I have ever seen we've going to make it. I know that sounds like it's from a greeting card, but I know you know what I'm talking about. Ordinary moments in ordinary settings that all of a sudden become infused with something else. With meaning. Significance. Hope. These kinds of moments are what I specifically began dreaming of last week with UES family and want with fellow Bronxites! I would love for us to be folks that are a combination of this, Philippians 2, and Ephesians.

Week Two Recap

At this point in my Bronx journey, it is still simply me although I know of about 10 others in TGC currently living in this borough. I am being faithful to pray for the people here as I ride the buses and trains and walk around. Though I physically see no fruit, I do not count these efforts as useless and unfruitful. They are absolutely essential to what will happen in the future. I would like to do more prayer riding and walking with others up here, want to make connections with my neighbors (I've met three more so far), and have started this blog so as to remember (especially during the hard, lonely times) all that Abba does here. I know that this will be a MUCH slower process than I anticipated and desired ... but then again, I am not in control just a vessel.

Perhaps you have wondered where the name The Mustard Seed Chronicles came from. I am reading through the entire book of Matthew with my friend Renee and read through Matthew 13 this week. When I got to verses 31 and 32, they resonated with me. "He (Jesus) told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."" The mustard seed though small at first ultimately grows into a place of beauty, hope, and hospitality; these are my dreams for what TGC Bronx will be for each other and our community.

Fumbling through this

I feel like Jacob after he wrestled with the angel/Lord all night. Been that sort of day and humbling (in a fumbling sort of way) for me. I have the direction that I need now though.

After talking with several friends yesterday and taking the time to prayerfully sleep on making a decision, I have come to a final decision. I am not going to be a part of the East Village plant or community. While it was/is totally possible for me to be with them, it just isn't ultimately most profitable. Now I let the UES and my all estrogen life group pour into me even more ... and wait ... until God and his timing bring TGC Bronx into reality. All of this fumbling and wrestling makes me so aware of how God loves me so much that he would let me wrestle until I come to the best path that he's had for me all along. C'est la vie.

Hey, where's my path leading exactly?

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for one to bear the yoke in youth, to sit alone in silence when the Lord has imposed it. - Lamentations 3:25-28

A new day. A new journey. A new path for me filled with questions today about what exactly the path even looks like for seeing TGC bring the Kingdom in The Bronx, a behemoth cry of my heart. This insanely piercing cry has led me to move and plant myself there in the borough that many have called hopeless, that is filled with so many needs, that literally was burning down in the 1970s, and that is still filled with prostitution and despair. This is the borough that I deeply and absolutely love!

Abba, you know that yesterday I sent out a post and some messages about the life group and dinner in The Bronx that is going down next week. Clinton responded, and his message sparked questions in my mind. Am I being too zealous about seeing TGC become planted in The Bronx? Am I on the right path but going about things in the wrong manner or off in the timing? Do I just need to pray more and chill out ... for now? What is the best way in seeing my heart’s desires and visions become reality?

As of this afternoon, I had only questions and thought of Sue E. So, I went to see her and asked her for advice. She listened really well and gave me the verses above. She said she’d pray for me. She said some of the same things basically verbatim as Clinton. Sue left me with even more questions (which isn’t bad) and ultimately proposed one lingering question. What would it look like for me to be planted in ONE missional community for a year and just pour into them as they pour into me? Good question.

And so, now I sit here in Wendy’s across the street writing these thoughts and a prayer out. I still don’t really have any answers ... but I know Daddy you are faithful and will show me the right path and the right timing. I know too that your will will become reality and that if I’m seeing anything that isn’t to become reality that you will lovingly guide me and steer me correctly. Abba, open my ears, eyes, spirit, and heart to know YOU and to accomplish your desires for The Bronx. I really love you and this borough. Show me what you see, what you desire, how you want to change things, and bring the people you want involved in this. May your Kingdom come in The Bronx and may the harvest be as plentiful as the workers! Amen.

It seems like all I do is ramble and take so long to express myself today. Just got off the phone with Heather S to ask her about her all female life group and the UES community. If I don’t give my all to the East Village community (which I feel connected to on so many levels) then I would definitely plant myself with either the LIC community or UES community. So many choices are before me ... BUT Abba will be faithful to show me the right path. Almost time to be with the EV peeps to talk about their vision and hopefully time for me to talk with Guy W about his thoughts on all of the above. Daddy, grant me wisdom and clear direction on where to be planted. My heart’s desire is so to be planted and pour into a community until you bring TGC Bronx into reality.

God, I believe that you can and will speak to me and give me the guidance I need concerning missional community and a life group. I didn’t expect today to have so many questions and to go through so much wrestling to find your will, but I thank you that you love me enough to guide me to the right path. Talking with Guy and doing more thinking it seems that you want me to give my all to the UESMC and Heather’s life group. My relationships with Queens peeps don’t have to stop; I’m not that far away from them and have Sundays if nothing else to invest in their lives. Guy’s words are still resonating with me and interesting to see him be in agreement with Sue, Jordan, and Bill (conversations from months ago about my future).

House dinner!!!

Reason #572 Why I LOVE The Bronx: First house dinner with my new roomies followed by American Idol. We are going to do this weekly or every other week if we can't do a meal a week. It's awesome!

Vision casting (Part 3: Upper East Side)

From a movie and brunch this morning in a nearby diner to prayer and community time this evening, it has been such a full and satisfying day with my Upper East Side family! I really enjoyed just soaking in who I was with and the just fact that I got to share life locally with all of these amazing, inspiring folks. I look forward to moments like earlier today with Bronxites throughout 2010. It's going to be QUITE a good year!

Vision casting (Part 2: East Village)

WOW!!! What an amazing and unexpected fruit from my time praying with East Villagers tonight. What a group so abundant with passion for their community and loving each other well!

On the train ride down to meet them, I read Philippians 2:1-18 and saw this as a prophetic vision for what the East Village wants to become. When we prayed together, I prayed that we would be people like this. I pray it also be so for myself and those who eventually become the Bronx Missional Community. Between Guy praying and speaking, what follows are my notes, prayers, and vision casting for The Bronx from the rest of that amazing night.

What are the prayers that are on their (the people in The Bronx) hearts? What are the prayers and thoughts that echo with them? What are we going to do with the title (child of God) and light that the King of Kings has given us? Am I going to be the answer to people in this neighborhood's prayers?

A lot has been given to me. Now much is required. But the tasks ahead are absolutely doable because Jesus lives inside of me and will not fail in accomplishing his will. He is ever faithful. He is ever present. He is all sufficient. Is my way of living the way that Jesus would live? If not, what needs to change in my life? Let me and the others you bring to The Bronx have wisdom, to know your will, to truly bring the Kingdom and You incarnate.

Help us to be burden-lifters and burden-bearers. Make us strong in You. Let us be listening to You constantly and obeying You. Let us be as you were, giving our all knowing that the end is sure victory in You. Let us be rooted and have long-term relationships with each other and our neighborhood. Let us breathe life into this area. Let us be a warm, wonderful breath of fresh air and streams of living waters.

Imagine and see the people that are within 1-2 blocks of us and what they are feeling and experiencing. What is it that practically will give people here hope?

Help us to be faithful to You. Help us to be intentionally doing the little and big things to share life and love with our neighbors. Le us seek to actively bring hope to the hopeless and love to the lonely. Let us have life-giving, life-long friendships with people in our neighborhood. Let us be a clear picture of You on Earth. Let us recognize the image of God in every single person that is in our path!!! We celebrate that you will do all of these things. Let apathy never be a part of our being. Jesus let us know and clearly hear your heartbeat.

Am I bringing freedom and light?

Dear friend and Creator of all, I am thinking about this new year and of all of the transition that I'm in now. In the past two weeks or so, I've been quite sad about the changes that were coming mostly because I finally saw that close friends who've been an intimate part of my life over the past year were about to not be an active part of my life as I pursued the East Village Missional Community and life/pouring into The Bronx. I wanted both the changes that come with the new way of life and the old friendships and intimacy. Tonight it has finally hit me that pursuing both would be entirely too draining and reminds me of Matthew 9:16-17 with the patches and wineskins; the old and new just can't be one.

Tonight was so life giving praying with the EVMC. I believe that you want me to be a part of this MC and church plant so that I can humbly serve and learn and use what I learn to birth a Bronx missional community and TGC Bronx. There is a lot to learn and grow in. There is equally as much on my mind about all this. I see so much potential in The Bronx; it is a case of Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." At the same time, I am reminded of an unconditional commitment between a groom and his bride, how they stick with each other in the good and very tough times because of love. I expect tough times on some of the journey. I want to be a faithful bride to Christ through the entire process of birthing TGC Bronx and in all of the fruit that comes from it. I think now of Abram being told his descendants would number the stars though he had no kids at the time. Your fruit in The Bronx will number the stars ... and that fills my heart with hope and love.

Vision casting (Part 1: Midtown East)

For a little over a year, I have been a part of Trinity Grace Church. In that year, my church has grown TREMENDOUSLY, and I have developed relationships with lots of people in numerous circles! The vision and heart for my church though is to really serve locally and have a strong impact and connection with our neighbors. My church is also about enabling whatever spiritual gifts you have to be used to the full wherever you've been planted!

This past week, I had two opportunities with friends in other TGC communities, the Midtown East group and the East Village group. I went just to share life with my friends, but out of those experiences I did some vision casting for The Bronx. I really want to chronicle this for the future and put it into practice with folks in The Bronx. What I learned was very good stuff! So, from Midtown East, I give you a weekly rhythm to share life with others on a monthly basis.

Week 1 of each month (In): Community dinner - These are great opportunities for us to grow as a community, get to know one another, share stories of God’s work in our lives, and invite our nonbelieving friends to a home-cooked meal.

Week 2 of each month (Up): Missional Community - If we are going to learn what it looks like to have a fully-functioning group of 30-50 individuals loving God, pursuing the character of Christ, loving one another, and serving our neighbors, then it is important that we participate in an already-existing, full-size group already doing just this. Thus, every second (day of the week to be picked later) of the month we will join our neighbors at their missional community. Again, please invite your nonbelieving friends to this event.

Week 3 of each month (Inside): Pointed Discussion dinner - While sharing a meal together, we will have a pointed discussion as a group on a relevant Christian topic (faith and work, Christian ethics, etc.), a short video, an article, a Scripture, or some other contemporary issue and how it relates to our faith and our lives. This will be a great way for us to enter into in each other’s walks and refine our hearts and minds into those of Christ. Friends are also welcome!

Week 4 of each month (Outside): Serving our community - It is important that we serve our neighbors and invite our friends into the Body of Christ through such acts of service. This is not simply about service but also about building strong, deep relationships. Thus, we will have as a group an ongoing relationship with an organization and a group of people that we serve alongside once (or more) each month.

Week 5 of each month (Celebration): Celebration time - If there is a fifth (day of the week to be picked later) in a month then, we will do something fun as a group (a Knicks game, going out for drinks, watching a movie, going to a museum, etc.). This is also a great way to bring nonbelieving friends into our community!

Bronx Underground and Throggs Neck church

Anyone else interested in possibly checking this out with me? I'm for real. Also, if this church is still hosting these events, then I want to go some time. It's close to my house too. :)

My first week in The Bronx

This is the recap of my first week here ...

Jan 1: Unofficially have begun renting in Throggs Neck, Bronx.

Jan 4: Officially move with the help of my roommate Angela and her car to The Bronx. The moving is slower than expected because of traffic towards Queens. The loading of stuff and unloading of stuff is quick. Quickly pay rent and meet my landlords Danny and Maureen. Then, immediately leave for Alfie's birthday party. Come home at nearly 2 AM and have a disastrous evening with my neighbor downstairs and sleep horribly.

Jan 5: Too exhausted. Finally get to blow up my air mattress. Sleep, sleep, sleep ... like nearly the whole day. Write my downstairs neighbor Manny a note explaining what happened last night and why I woke him up so late.

Jan 6: Slowly getting all my stuff organized and acquainted with my new neck of the woods, Throggs Neck in The Bronx. Housewarming goodness and fun probably in two weeks. :) AMAZING time praying with East Village folks at Guy's house and lots of inspiration for what I want to see started in The Bronx asap!!!

Jan 7: Getting my spring cleaning done a few months early today as I unpack and recycle/throw away stuff. It's been a good day especially a letter I received today (from Manny) and the nachos I made.

Packing done!

Packing for the Bronx done! It's quite surreal to see all of my things packed up except for what I'll be using the next two days. When I moved to NYC in late Aug '08 I literally came with only one 57 lb bag.

Articles to acquaint you with my area

Friends, here are some articles to get you acquainted with the area where I'll be living. One article I read said that the original Dutch name (Vriedelandt) for the area means "Land of Peace." :)

New York Times Article #1
Wikipedia Article
New York Times Article #2

Packing begins

Hey, it's a new year baby which means (finally) packing up my things to move to a new home in the Bronx!!! So excited to officially be there in a few days! Thanks to all who prayed this into reality! :)

How this all the began for me ...

Hi. I'm Amanda Kay, and I'd like to introduce how all this began. I grew up in Florida, began traveling all over the state, the USA, and then the world. By the time I was 27, I had been to several countries and was teaching music and special needs students. One day in the fall of 2007, I saw an ad to come teach in New York City which sparked something in my heart and spirit. I prayed about it, and by December 2007, I was sure that at the end of the school year that I'd be leaving Florida and moving 1,200 miles away to NYC. I had a heart to teach and heard how no one wanted to teach in The Bronx for a lot of reasons. I considered the area but began pursuing a teaching job in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn (knowing nothing of the poverty there). Ultimately I moved to NYC on August 21, 2008 with no job, no permanent housing, one 57 pound bag, and only two phone contacts I had never actually met.

Maybe you're thinking now I was fool to move to so far away under those circumstances, but I had solid faith that this was what I was called to do. I'm a Christian, and immediately saw God provide temporary cheap housing in Harlem right where I wanted to live. Within four days, I had permanent housing and moved to East New York, Brooklyn. Three days later I had a full-time job at the school in Bed-Stuy. I lived in Brooklyn until late September 2009. During the 13 months I was there, my God burdened my heart for two areas, The Bronx and the East Village. A feasible door never opened for me to move to the East Village but a temporary door opened for me to live in Queens for three months. Spiritually speaking, it was like I was preparing to give birth during that time; my burden for and desire to live in The Bronx grew --- just as a baby would --- so much during those three months! Finally after six months of praying and trying to move to The Bronx, a door opened up on December 29th to be planted in a new home in Throggs Neck, the southeastern corner of this borough I truly and deeply love. More will follow, but that's how this seed was birthed. I look forward to its growth!