Life here while spacious has not lived up to my expectations. I am EXTREMELY LONELY and feel very, very, very isolated. Community is not being built here nor are connections with my neighbors really. Furthermore, I have exceeded the point that I am okay emotionally being away from my family. I didn't get to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with them because if I traveled I couldn't move here and pay rent. It has now been over a year since I've seen my parents, and it's deeply depressing me. I am also not really working with the 2010 Census (47 hours total in five weeks). I have spent the past two weeks watching the Vancouver Olympics and giving my all to applying to different volunteer opportunities that require you to live in community. I want it that badly! I'm just trusting that God will open and close the right doors when the time comes to act on all of those different possible opportunities. Maybe I'm giving up too early, but I'm tired of crying these many tears (my face hurts from all the crying I did today) and tired from being this dejected. As such, this blog may end very soon. I leave you with a poem I wrote tonight.
Dead bones living or trying to anyways
Feeling all skin stripped away
Flesh torn, spirit wilting, raw and bleeding
Dejected. Despairing. Tormented. Isolated.
Why do you stay so silent?
Why is your Kingdom so slowly brought?
Why do connections have to be so slowly birthed?
Will you give me community, deep and healing, as I need it?
Why have you pierced me with your double-edged sword?
Freely I give you my heart and love
Do not wound your beloved bride any longer.
Let us go to the groom's chambers and be intimate.
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This is so sad, and thought provoking.
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